Dear Mom, I promise I’m Not Battling Bears (and Yes, I’m Eating Gourmet)

Dear Mom,

You’re probably picturing me out in the wild, battling bears, surviving on leaves, and generally acting like I’m auditioning for a survival reality show. But I promise, I’ve got everything under control! Let me put your mind at ease about all my crazy adventures, whether I’m backpacking, hiking, or rafting through rapids that are way less dangerous than they look on TV. Here's how I stay safe, well-fed, and keep it all together.

1. Yes, There Are Bears. No, I Won’t Be Befriending Them.

I know your imagination has me face-to-face with a bear-like I’m some sort of wilderness warrior, but rest assured, my only bear encounters will be from a safe distance. Between my loud hiking songs (you know I’m not a quiet walker) and trusty bear spray, they’re steering clear of me.

Pro Tip for Nervous Moms: Bear spray is like my nature-approved pepper spray. Plus, I’ll be making so much noise on the trail no bear would ever want to hang out with me.

2. You Raised Me on Gourmet Food, So I’m Eating Like a Queen in the Wild

Let’s be real, Mom – you didn’t raise me to settle for bland trail mix, and I’m definitely not starting now. Thanks to you, I’m bringing all our Irish-Italian food magic right into the wilderness. You taught me how to make real, homemade meals, and guess what? Even in the middle of nowhere, I’m still making pizza from scratch! Yep, I’ve packed my own dough mix, olive oil, and cheese, and I’m serving up pizza by the campfire while others are gnawing on energy bars.

Pro Tip for Nervous Moms: Breakfast isn’t just oatmeal – I’m making pancakes from scratch, flipping them like we’re still in the kitchen. And don’t worry about our Irish roots – I’ve got a bag of flour for trail-baked scones. Sure, I’m in the wild, but I’m not skipping a proper scone-and-tea moment.

And of course, I’m still embracing our Italian side – think pasta primavera, made with dehydrated veggies and pre-cooked noodles. Who says you can’t enjoy a gourmet meal under the stars?

3. No, I Won’t Be Jumping Off Cliffs… on Purpose

I get it, you’ve seen way too many extreme adventure shows, but don’t worry – my wild side doesn’t involve bungee jumping off cliffs or careening down waterfalls. I’m here for the scenery, not the stunts. Rafting? Safe and mild. Hiking? Careful and calculated. The most danger I face is an accidental splash to the face from my own paddle.

Pro Tip for Nervous Moms: I’ve got helmets, harnesses, life jackets, and – don’t worry – your voice in the back of my head reminding me to be careful.

4. I’m Equipped Like a Pro Scout

You can relax, knowing I’m prepared for everything! I’ve got my GPS, a satellite phone (yes, you can track me!), and a first-aid kit that could rival an emergency room. From splinters to bee stings, I’m ready for it all. I even have rescue insurance in case I need a helicopter (I won’t, but hey, you’ll like knowing I have it).

Pro Tip for Nervous Moms: I know you raised me to be prepared, so I’m taking all the safety measures – plus a few extras for good measure.

5. Nature Is Basically Therapy

You know how I call you after a stressful day? Well, out here, nature is doing the heavy lifting. Time in the outdoors is scientifically proven to reduce stress, and I’m taking full advantage. With no Wi-Fi, deadlines, or responsibilities, it’s pure bliss. By the time I come home, I’ll be so calm you might not even recognize me.

Pro Tip for Nervous Moms: Nature is the ultimate stress reliever. You should come with me sometime! I’ll handle the hiking, and you can soak in the views.

6. I Will Call You – Don’t Worry!

I know your biggest fear is not hearing from me. But guess what? I’ll be checking in regularly, thanks to my satellite phone and GPS. You’ll be able to track my every move (like the FBI, I know you’ve got skills). If I don’t text back right away, it’s probably because I’m busy opening a granola bar – not wrestling a bear.

Pro Tip for Nervous Moms: Rest assured, I’ll be in touch. You might even get tired of hearing from me!

Final Thoughts: I’ve Got This, and You Can Relax!

Mom, I know you’ll always worry, but I’m here to assure you that I’ve got this. From gourmet meals to the best safety gear, I’m ready for anything. So sit back, take a deep breath, and trust that your adventurous (but prepared) daughter is thriving out there. And don’t worry – I’ll send plenty of photos to prove it!

And, you know what? You should totally come camping with me sometime! I promise it’s not as awful as it sounds. Picture this: we’ll be sitting by a serene lake, sipping hot tea, eating freshly baked scones (yes, from scratch!), and watching the sunset behind the mountains. No bugs will bother us – I’ve got plenty of bug spray – and you won’t have to dig any bathroom holes (we’ll find a spot with real bathrooms, I promise). It’s peaceful, it’s calming, and best of all, I’ll handle all the hard stuff while you soak in the beauty of nature.

What do you say? Let’s turn those worries into an epic mother-daughter adventure!

Love,
Your Totally Prepared and Well-Fed Adventurer